I can only assume that unbeknownst to all, I am sleepwalking and during that time doing something extraordinarily exhausting. There is no other explanation for being this tired. I've never really watched Parks and Rec, but had to pick up the quote "Oh, I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired. Also, I can’t sleep, I’m overeating and none of my old hobbies interest me.", as it sums up the whole thing pretty well. I appreciate every hour where I am not obliged to work, and if nobody makes me do something, I just don't. It's not like I live in filth or anything, there's just no drive. Some people are very active in their spare time, enjoying sports or yardwork, socializing or travelling. It all seems so unrewarding and pointless to me. Often I've been advised to go on holiday, visit a foreign country, but I honestly wouldn't know what to do once there. Sloth doesn't quite describe it, apathy seems more accurate. Objectively I am doing fairly ok in life, yet it feels like a drag.
Watching a movie or listening to music or reading books, while all vicarious and with varying payoff, are a few things worthwhile that don't require an enormous effort. To be honest, most of my spare time is spent in front of the computer, designed to make everything easily accessible. Maybe it's sensory overload, once you're used to all this stupid, screaming entertainment being thrown at us and laid out at our fingertips. I'm afraid that's all I have to say right now. I've already prepared some great title pictures for future posts, but all I can come up with for each image doesn't seem worth writing down. The above picture by the way, Phaedra (1880) by Alexandre Cabanel doesn't imply apathy, I just felt the weary expression would fit.